"To look almost pretty is an acquisition of higher delight to a girl who has been looking plain for the first fifteen years of her life than a beauty from her cradle can ever receive." Jane Austen
I first started getting zits in the 8th grade. But when you're in the 8th grade, you don't really care. At least not when I was in the 8th grade. I was more concerned with proving myself on the cheer leading squad through dance moves and sharp motions than I was with my face. Besides, it was only a couple of pimples every once in a while.
Then it started getting worse. By 10th grade, my face was covered in acne. Big ones, little ones, ones that hurt. Make-up didn't do much to cover it up. Really, it made my face look worse. My acne was the worst in my Sophomore and Junior years of high school. Unlike the days of middle school, high school was all about how you looked. And acne was just gross.
I went to doctors, dermatologists, everything, but nothing worked. And Proactive? Just made it worse. Still, to this day, NOTHING has worked. I wash my face every morning and every night. I take antibiotics and birth control pills to help control it. However, I have not been pimple free since I was 15. I turn 21 in October.
It has taken a huge toll on my self-confidence. I feel ugly 95% of the time. When I meet new people, I imagine that they only see the zits. Over the years I've learned some better techniques to covering them up with make-up, but make-up wears off. And make-up can't hide everything.
But I know, that no matter how ugly I feel, God sees the body He made. And He thinks it's beautiful. I struggle with this every day. I can't seem to grasp that God does see me as beautiful; I mean, He made me. He made all of us. He loves us. And I know He hates that I see myself the way I do.
I believe God gave me acne, and continues to not let it go away, for a reason. I'm just not sure what that reason is, yet. But I do know that my acne is irrelevant compared to what really matters in my life. I pray God gives me this wisdom and I pray God will guide me along the path that He has set out for my life. I know He's not through with me yet.
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
